Sunday 2 March 2014

Presenter you must be...


I'm a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world's a wonder. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they're delightful. They all want so little

- Billy Connolly

It’s now less than three weeks out and I am starting to feel a bit less apprehensive.  After long periods of silence words of encouragement and anticipation are starting to come from collaborators and friends from across the world.  i guess nothing renews interest as much as an approaching deadline. Or maybe they just wanted to be really sure that we were coming before taking the trouble.  I would probably have done the same.

As it is now there are confirmed programmes in Penang, Chiangmai , Yunnan, Chengdu and Almaty.  Once in Europe there will also be presentations in Utrecht, Copenhagen and of course Stockholm.  So eight stops in about 90 odd days, with a wide range of assignments –ranging  from a  pink Harley parade through Georgetown, to a full cancer programme in Kazakhstan with the rest of the NUH breast team flown up for a two day programme.  As far as I can tell no repeats – all have asked for unique presentations.  They range from surgical techniques, tumour board discussions or some anthropological angle of why Asians are different than westerners when it comes to cancer behavior.  This bit of the trip really does not sound much like a holiday.  I think that aside from a few clinic duties left the rest of the time will be spent either in front of a computer with a lot of reading, or next to a stripped down bike.

The other main concern now is how to be an adequate mechanic.  I think as far as riding skills are concerned we are going to have to go with what we are.  So with most of the clinics closed over the last two weeks I will be spending my time with Ah Chye from 72 Desker Road mechanics.  On Saturday we learned to change engine oil and oil filter, take the tank off and clean the air filter, bleed the clutch and brake hydraulics, change spark plugs, replace and adjust the drive chain.  


bleeding clutch hydraulics
On Tuesday we will learn to fix the gear shifter and brake pedal, and tear up some tyres to see how to mend them.    On the whole it has been an interesting time.  Whether operations on people or bikes use the same part of the brain I’m not too sure about, but I have noticed a lot of similar skill sets – dexterity and feel, planning ahead, keeping the place uncluttered.  It’s nice that bikes don’t generally bleed through.  A standout distinction between the two is that while operating on people one cannot help but be impressed with how we are all “fearfully and wonderfully made”, whereas even on the relatively well thought through Suzuki I do wonder WHAT the engineers said to the designers to put the front spark plug smack behind the radiator jacket.  And HOW anyone could put an unprotected radiator THERE without a grille, which I will now sort out how to make from scratch. Essentially the impression is that the radiator is a bit of an afterthought.

I may have mentioned before how we have a video crew that we are not too certain about. There are supposed to be two pre ride events for filming but right now nothing seems too certain.  The part that I am least comfortable with is that mike and I may be called upon to carry the travelog like some kind of professional presenter.  This fills me with some trepidation and should be an assurance of failure to make any worthwhile documentary. The last professional film producer that we wanted to get involved in our little project -  he has a Peabody and should know what he’s talking about – took one look at us and said that we have the perfect appearance for radio.  He promptly lifted the phone and started to get hold of Ian Wright or the charming Asha Gill.  He was keen to come, she curiously said that she would be busy with her first child.  Curious because at that time we were two years before our leaving date.  I like to think she was just being nice. 

            In any case I needed some encouragement and education so I started out asking friends who are “in the business”, meaning media and stage people.  Like the previously mentioned collaborators, silence.  The only reply is from a certain Lim Yu Beng, an old schoolmate of mine, who said that I had the advantage over any presenter because this is my dream trip, my vision.  I hope he’s right.  A word with another friend Soo Hwang tells me that I need to find out what kind of presenter personality I have. She breaks it down into three kinds:





David Attenborough.  As reliable and trustworthy as Dad.  Incredibly fascinated and equally fascinating, peerless video footage. Knack of making the remarkable commonplace, and vice versa.  Slightly breathless more recently, and noticeably more melancholy.  Easy manner to imitate, but just don’t, he’s too revered.

Michael Palin.  Obviously clueless, but loves the chance encounter.  Naturally approachable, extremely wide comfort zone, will eat and drink practically anything.  Has a very nice manner, and works really well with silence.  I think some of the best work I’ve seen him do is when he’s not doing anything.  Just standing there, looking on, allowing us to share his experience vicariously.

Michael Parkinson.  Extremely well informed, he listens in a way that tells you he’s listening to what you’re not saying.  He’s not thinking of the next question, or what he wants to get you to say, he’s just listening and letting you come out.  Very effective interviewer, I’ve always learned something unexpected but I don’t think this method will work outside a studio, too many distractions for that studied listening approach

My favorite, though I think impossible to even come close to, is Billy Connolly’s travelogs.  He’s done a few now, the “World Tour” of England Ireland and Wales, Route 66, the Northwest Passage. It’s usually peppered with some material from his standup comedy which can be a little colourful, but this serves as a wonderful camouflage.  The Big ‘Un is very comfortable talking about art and artists, and gives a very good opinion on both.  And the biggest secret of all – he’s not a comedian, but a very, very good raconteur.  That to me is the most attractive skill on any travelog.     The added plus is that he is a bit of a biker.  Or to be more accurate a triker – a sort of three wheeled bike.  Listen to what he says about riding in into Los Angeles:”  "I've got desert to my left, desert to the right, desert behind and in front. California! where there's so much space who can resist tuning in, tuning out, dropping in and dropping off. the land of wandering rockandrollers and wayfaring wastrels. the only thing missing is Van knocking up with the Doors".  My favorite though is the one about schizophrenia,

“Roses are read
Violets are blue
I’m schizophrenic

And so am I”

Tuesday 18 February 2014

Somebody said that it couldn't be done...



Somebody said that it couldn’t be done
      But he with a chuckle replied
That “maybe it couldn’t,” but he would be one
      Who wouldn’t say so till he’d tried.
So he buckled right in with the trace of a grin
      On his face. If he worried he hid it.
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
      That couldn’t be done, and he did it!

Somebody scoffed: “Oh, you’ll never do that;
      At least no one ever has done it;”
But he took off his coat and he took off his hat
      And the first thing we knew he’d begun it.
With a lift of his chin and a bit of a grin,
      Without any doubting or quiddit,
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
      That couldn’t be done, and he did it.

There are thousands to tell you it cannot be done,
      There are thousands to prophesy failure,
There are thousands to point out to you one by one,
      The dangers that wait to assail you.
But just buckle in with a bit of a grin,
      Just take off your coat and go to it;
Just start in to sing as you tackle the thing
      That “cannot be done,” and you’ll do it

Edgar Albert Guest 



Less than thirty days now and it’s an upward spiral of anticipation and apprehension.  Anticipation because despite all the potential dealbreakers we appear to be on track to going.  There were a few things that would really have made this a non starter and they all seem to be cleared.  This includes the wife and the boss and his bosses clearing the leave, colleagues who are willing to cover the trauma calls and breast cancer workload, finding an events manager that would be devoted to all the paperwork .  if any of these hurdles were not cleared the process would have stopped. There is no way for us to manage this on our own.  Yet here we are still on track.

The apprehension comes because so many people have invested so very much into this that I dread something tripping this up.  This occupies almost all waking hours and the wife has caught me occasionally just off in my own world on more than one occasion.  I know the aim is to reach Sweden but I keep thinking just how far I would get before I would consider all this work worthwhile. How far before I could look all these people in the eye and said, even if we don’t make our goals, well that was a proper try.    Istanbul?  Samarkand? I asked Mike about this.  The answer was instant:  Karolinska.  Welcome to the swedes  and their literal mindedness. 

  I worry about my inadequacies as a rider and a mechanic.  After our brief sojourn with our 500 pound bikes offroad in mersing I realize that these aren’t the 200cc jobs we could just throw around like when we were in our twenties. 
Off road with a Vstrom 1000:  its not the XR250 of old...

There are new tyres and new suspension and new footpegs that should make all the difference but none of that really takes away the root problem  -  weight.  I keep thinking about what every overland rider has said to me,” you’re never going to wish you had a heavier bike”.  When the time comes it will be with horrific traffic, a deadline to meet and will likely last about 200km and not just our 20km into the Malaysian jungle. I know just the place where it will happen. Across the border from Laos into China, the road from Mojiang  to Kunming is 220km of some of the worse roads anywhere.  When we get there in late march it will still be cold, maybe even snow on the high peaks.  Last 4/4 trip on that road and its bike eating craters one of the Land Cruisers actually broke an axle.  

 Then there are the fears of the unknown.  With my dodgy record with high places I keep dreading the day when we will need to cross some rickety rope bridge across a ravine that does not appear on any map.  That or a four hour detour.  Again Mike Hartman has the solution.  He will have me Michael Jacksoned.  Propofol up to the gills, I pass out, he maintains airway and I wake up on the other side.  And put a tattoo in some unspeakable place.  Then the what ifs. What if the alternator burns up again, or the fuel filter clogs on the contaminated fuel or the air filter in the desert  sand. What if there is a rattle, or the brake locks up, or the bike just doesn’t start? 

I can remember when there were 400 days to go.  Now it’s less than thirty and somehow despite having made so many preparations I don’t really feel more prepared.  I know there have been things that I have been trying to sort out for months but had not had the chance to.  Like the bigfoot on the sidestand, the separate switch for the main headlamps, mounting the axillary lamps.   I also now know there are some things I wish had happened differently.

My main regret is the video team.  When we first met Jacqui Hocking, who had come highly recommended from our friends in the SIF,  I felt that we did not have to look further.  She has this attractive mixture of a video professional, a vision for a better world, a personal investment into the lives of the less fortunate, the experience of living uncomfortably  and most of all that direct honesty that seems to be a trait of people from her homeland.  Then the formal tender process for the university sponsorship shows one potential disaster – the perceived difficulty of an Australian passport in crossing some of the borders we have to get through. Although losing out in a tender is part of being a professional  I do still feel that we had misled Jacqui  and her team.  I called to explain and if there was any lasting bitterness she did not show it.  That she offered to help pro bono in whatever way she could only serves to reinforce the earlier impressions I have of her.  And makes going with someone else stick in the craw just a little.

Depending on how the day has been,  there are some days when I just want to get going, and other times when I wish we could have another six months just to sort out one or another lose end.  For the last month there is a sense that the other things are being cleared away.  No more new case breast cancers.  Fewer  trauma calls as the other consultant step up. One dry run to frasers hill with all the kit on board and 4/4 in convoy, then the farewell parties, and quieter times at home with the family.  Then living on the road without them for nearly four months.